Last night's meeting -- no Dorothy or Billy. Oh well. I lived.
But that didn't stop Dorothy from interrupting the meeting. The head chair, Parker (the guy whose car she hit) was called out of the meeting half-way through. Dorthy had called the payphone in the AA house and "desperately" needed to speak with Parker. Of course! Selfish alcoholic can't wait until the meeting ends to talk with him. She must interrupt the meeting! Ugh!
I am UNAMUSED.
Parker asked Ruby to chair the meeting. Yes. Happy to do it, yet pissed at Dorothy, who was probably sitting at home, nursing her bottle of vodka, feeling needy. She knows when meetings start and end, yet she had to call right then and there. She knew Parker chaired Thursday meetings. She knew he'd have to leave the meeting to speak with her. It's all about Dorothy. Now. Now. Now. Pay attention to me. Alcoholics can be that way...most of the time.
Spoke about my biggest challenge during sobriety -- staying present, in the moment -- instead of languishing in the past or worrying about the future. Both result in either resentments (past) or anxiety (future) -- both, the impetus of my drinking.
Funny how many times I catch myself thinking about Roscoe (good and bad), worrying about what will transpire in days to come and missing/ignoring life as it's happening in the present. When my mind wanders, I instantly say to myself "stay on page -- stay on the page in front of you" -- then I realign myself to whatever's going on around me. I do this hundreds of times a day. Staying present gives me great peace. Recognizing when you turn back into other chapters of your life or start reading ahead by predicting the future --- yeah, that's when the cravings start.
Funny, Parker was still stuck on the phone with her after the meeting. Walking past, I overheard him saying, "What do you mean your insurance company won't pay?!" His face red, he paced back and forth. Fuckin-A. Seriously? I kept walking. Alcoholics and addicts can be some of the most unreliable and deceitful people around.
Makes me despise this disease even more.
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In other news, I snagged a job interview with a coaching company in London for a virtual marketing manager position...one that I was hoping for: Work from home! Since I'm a certified life coach and follow this company on their coaching calls and product launches, I was beyond thrilled when I opened my email this morning, and they wanted to talk with me...Monday 8:30a!
Working from home would also allow me to be with my 4 babies (3 pit bulls and a long-haired cat). They love having me around -- this could be a dream gig!
Please pray for me!
Hi Ruby,
ReplyDeleteYou make some very valid points here, and some that I really need to pay attention to. I often worry about things in the future, which keeps me from enjoying the present. So thanks for that little nugget that I can use going forward. Keep us posted on the job interview. Try not to take it as a set back if it doesn't go the way you want it to. In EVERYTHING God has a reason and it is all part of His plan! Remember that. Have a good weekend.
"Stay on the page"... that's a phrase I haven't heard before and I will remember it, it's a reminder I really need too. I spend a lot of time living for 5 PM or the weekend or the next roadtrip out of town. And life is slipping by me so fast. I can do the regrets and fears thing well too. I work hard to keep the past in the past. I know God's got me tight for the future, I deal with it as it comes... and I know you can too!
ReplyDeleteDorothy calling in during the meeting... yes a classic drunk ploy. I had a friend for many years that pulled this shit time and time and time again, "it's all about me... I need you now", and I jumped and ran and catered. I wouldn't do it again. Too bad Parker didn't say he'd call her back after the meeting. He should have.
On to really happy news.. an interview for an awesome position.... wow! I am so excited for you Ruby Girl, perfect job, tailor made for you... and yes, working from home, what a blessing that would be! Will be praying for you Monday morning. I KNOW God's got good things in store for you, and if this is the right thing at the right time, it will be! Dazzle 'em girl!
Oh and, hey, don't think we haven't noticed how long you've been sober now, really you are amazing, and I am so very proud of the work you're doing to keep yourself that way! OXOX, Josie
Thanx my sweet ladies! xoxo
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