Just sitting here, WAITING for Roscoe to call.
I know. I know.
We texted back and forth last night. And then today. Nothing heavy. Just each of us admitting our mistakes. Roscoe kept congratulating me on my sobriety. Strange, as he barely commented about me at all near the end of our relationship.
Last night, he said he'd call. Hours later, he texted saying that he doesn't want to jeopardize my sobriety or ruin anything good in my life. Okay.
Today he starts texting me. Wants to hear my voice. So I told him to call. Hours later, still no call.
The cool thing is, although I wouldn't mind chit chatting with him, I don't care that he hasn't called. Just supports the fact that he cannot be relied upon. Unlike DZP
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Over the weekend I started a leaning out plan, which many trainers use today, albeit it's illegal now. Pshaw! Ruby loves illegal things. Anyway, I've done this plan before with miraculous results, but it's not for the weak willed. Day 2, I'm down 2 pounds. I'll be "on plan" until May 28.
In the meantime, I'm WAITING! Anxious to transform my body. My face looks so fat. And nothing fits. Every morning, knowing I'll wake up with a 1-2 pound loss -- the night before, it's hard to sleep. Like how kids anticipate xmas morning! Seeing the scale go down is like the best present at all.
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Have not seen Billy or Dorothy at AA. Hmmm.
You are right, he cannot be relied upon... except to stir up your emotions and cloud your thinking. You are hearing this from one who spent a lifetime addicted to the rush of "bad boys"... and it is an addiction in it's own right if you think about it. When I left my ex, and eventually desired to go looking again, I came to the realization that if I was to be happy and have a successful relationship I would need to choose someone who was the total opposite of those who had come before. Papa Bear most certainly is that, and at first it was almost shocking, as I'm sure you've found with DZP. But it doesn't mean stuffy, or proper. In fact I've loved more and laughed more in the past six years than in all the decades before. But it's like I've been talking about so much, Ruby dearest, one has to shut the door and face forward. You can't have one foot in both worlds or it will tear you apart and you'll lose on both ends. I won't tell yu what to do, I know you have to find your own way and make your own choices, I just don't want to see you fall back into that cycle of abuse and addiction ever again. I know I speak for your mom on this too!
ReplyDeleteI understand how a change in lifestyles, the absence of alcohol, etc. will mean a weight gain. That's common I understand. And I know how critical the issue is for you. But again, use good judgment here, or better yet seek some outside guidance on this. We both know that someone with bulimic tendencies can view themselves in a mirror and see fat that doesn't in reality exist. I nearly lost a niece that way. She couldn't see herself as the rest of us did. It was terrifying. I've seen the recent photos of you on FB, both from the Vegas trip and a selfie from last weekend. While your clothing size may be a bit bigger than what you're used to or feel comfortable wearing, your face is looking mighty thin. It worried me. Text me and tell me what you weigh now, and what your goal weight is.
Again, I can't make choices for you, and it's not my place to say "do" or "don't do". Just know that I care about you and love you, maybe more than you love yourself, and I'm not going to stand by and cheer if you do things that will harm you. I am all for weight management and a healthy lifestyle, just remember the things you've told me about the gym people who focus totally on outer image and lose themselves in the process.
Be true to the whispering of your heart Ruby, love yourself as you deserve to be loved. Figure out what the really important things are to work on! And good luck with nabbing that potential job.... I can so see you doing that!! Hugs to my favorite adopted daughter, sending you my love across the miles! OXOX, Josie
PS -- Sorry about being a comment space hog... you know me, I've got to tell it like I see it. Feel free to delete if you think it's a bit much! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Josie -- you are absolutely right. On all counts! I appreciate your care and concern -- it means so much to me xoxo
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