Sunday, June 8, 2014


I believe the Universe blesses us with puzzles, based on our tangled moods and thoughts. Today, I'd like to share one such example.

A couple weeks ago before I broke sobriety, we were hanging out on the couch. I stood up, lost my balance and fell on the screen of my laptop. 

Seriously ... I was not drunk or high (we had DZP's son for the weekend anyway).

My ass busted the fuck outta it. However, the dagger-shaped cracks - or "modern design" as my I.T. friend called it -  fascinated the hell out of him. He actually took pix - and VIDEO of the mangled screen to show his anticipated audience. Ugh, anyway - took a couple days for me to decide whether to take it to Geek Squad or just buy a new one.

Hang in there...it's about to get better ...

In my contemplation, I realized that I am a "slack owner" of a high-end I-Pad. Read: It never gets used. So at least I had a back up, right?

Quietly, I kept asking the Universe "Why? Why did this have to happen? Alcohol/drugs were not involved. I've been good" etc and so forth.

After some dusting off (hadn't been used in months), I set forth to organize my I-Pad apps, ensuring all was up to date. I stumbled upon the Find I-Phone app. Clicked it. And I saw my phone on the map, represented by a small green dot on a giant map of streets.

I also saw another small green dot on the map -- in the neighborhood where Roscoe lives. The fucking app is tracking both our phones. I can also see satellite views of buildings he's in.

HA. New obsession. ;) How could one resist? Also delivered on a silver platter to me from the Universe, so hey... 
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However, plenty planned this week for my "Come Back." Not much time for stalking.

Oh and anyway, the whole point of this post --- what was the Universe trying to tell me with the laptop freak accident? Had I never cracked the screen, I wouldn't have a need for a new laptop, and I never would have retrieved the I-Pad and started checking apps.

Think about that shit. Everything is connected.

My interpretation: Roscoe is a roving drunk. Often he'd come over and scare the hell out of me in the middle of the night. One time he broke into my house through the dog door and came upstairs to my bedroom. Picture this: It's 2 am, your heart is pounding because you hear FOOTSTEPS up the stairwell. And you live alone (this was before my pitbull family).

Yeah. Maybe I was meant to find the app as a safety precaution, in case there's any trouble in the future. Or to just help me feel safer in general.

And in a strange way I do feel safer.

Still oddly tied to Roscoe, when I had no desire. 

Or did I? 

Those tangled emotions we send out. Very interesting.




1 comment:

  1. I loved this story because such things often happen to me too.. all the puzzle pieces fit together in some very crazy ways! I'm not sure if you were led to find Roscoe's locator for safety or temptation, but I do agree it's a good idea to keep an eye on someone who might cause harm. Just promise me you won't let it become a new stalker obsession... been there, done that. :-)

    I totally get the tangle of emotions, sometimes I wonder how my own mind works in such things. I wonder if a part of us is able to detach from the darker memories so that we an live more comfortably with what was good.

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