Severe storms and tornado warnings today. All day. Perfect drinking weather.
Having children wasn't in my future, apparently. I chose no children with Roscoe; he never got his shit together. But we woulda made beautiful kids. And I would be the only caregiver, since Roscoe would be a 44 year-old drunk man-child. With no money or job. :(
After 13 years of Roscoe's alcoholism, DWIs and what-not, I never got off the pill. Why should I? Smart girl, I tell myself daily.
Having had an alcoholic father, I never wanted to raise my babies in that environment.So I made the choice to wait. And wait. And wait for Roscoe to fulfill his promise -- that he would get his life together.
Never happened, my friends. Instead, I built my own family. Here they are:
This is my Lydia. She is a the No. 2 Lydia. I had another Lydia who died after 17 years in 2004. Refused to adopt another until I found one who looked exactly like Lydia No. 1. Two years later, I found a replica to her precursor. Gave her the same name. I'm a sicko that way.
My Chango and Spike, brothers from the same litter. Both were rescued from a crack house. Spike, on left was the runt. Chango was first born. It's amazing to see how well they interact like brothers. Chango, the older bro, lets Spike have his way . Albeit begrudgingly. Spike is a thief of food and pushes Chango's buttons. Chango puts up with it. Chango always taking the high road, like mom taught me to do. Sigh.
I'm in a melancholy mood tonight. Not into much writing. Would rather drink. I miss people.
Trying to stay present.
Maybe I'll watch some Saturday Night Live.
I can relate to this post on a couple levels. My daughter, now 39, doesn't have children either. She and her ex-husband waited until their lives and careers were stable and she was healthy enough to be pregnant. Then he decided that instead of making babies he wanted to make a relationship with someone else. Broke her heart, stole her chance to be a mama too. That breaks my heart. Like you, she had filled her home and her heart with beloved furkids that are great company and pretty much won the lottery when rescued by her. Your babies are beautiful, and I know the kind of care and attention you give them. Our critters add so much to our lives, and it's wonderful to have them waiting to greet you when you come home from work! Our "empty nest" would be far too empty if it wasn't for our four furry ones, especially little Toby the terror! :-)
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am sad about you and Roscoe, I believe you made the right choice based on your experience growing up, it is hard enough to raise kids with two committed parents, and an even tougher job on your own. Living with an alcoholic is a tough thing to ask of any kid. You are a mama too, your kids are just a bit more hairy than some! :-) It doesn't matter who you love or what you love, but that you love, and I know how deeply that you do. XOXO
Thank you for your kind post, Josie. I feel for your daughter and remember seeing photos of the guy she was with. And then after they broke up, she moved. She's so beautiful and I know God has a special plan for her and He meant to remove that guy from her life. She is blessed. Especially with a mama like you. Love you lady xoxo
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